For the person whose still hurting but seems to be happier

Tegan O’neil

I feel honoured to call you a friend

Somebody whose company i’ve grown to like especially since the remainder of last year,somebody who i think is funny ,caring thoughtful even in your most contrarian ass moments (sorry you can’t pay me to think Batman and Robin is good) and somebody who always approached comics no matter how banal with a sense of knowledge behind them,maybe not as acerbic as Ms Horrocks but with as much weight and introspection behind it.

I think it was through hearing Joe Mculloch mentioning you on an episode of Comic Books are Burning in Hell i thought to myself “that sounds like an interesting person worth looking up” so followed that thought through, you was still going through your “PEARL IS BAE” phase which i’m sure looking back on you regard with some kind of embarrassment, but i saw no issue with that.

We talked somewhat then i was surprised to see that you even followed my ass since often times when certain writers follow me i think “wow you people have paying jobs and have your name attached to things why are you interested in me?”.

This and the fact that we’re both 2 bookworm weirdos who were only kids in a sea of friends with siblings makes me feel like we’ve got some kind of mutual understanding despite our age difference (although who am i kidding most of my friends are older than me).

As much as i still hold alot of venom for Marvel your the person that made me ease up on the venom there’s still alot of things i can’t forgive them for but it’s not like i want to throw Stan Lee through a window now. Same goes for saying Watchmen might not be as brilliant as an adult or when you were 15 or hell just saying that Bukowski was shit.

Just the fact that there was somebody hell people who were willing to say these things that i had lodged in my head for a long time felt so affirming that i wasn’t ruining the fun of others for wanting to say these things.

I remember the day i finally decided to read that first piece you wrote, grey day i was feeling bitter didn’t want to talk to nobody or even speak to anybody,i watched Throne of Blood and Ikiru back to back in the same day,so to break my abstinence from Twitter i decided to check into see what i missed.

Saw that you tagged something up the top and felt that i had to read it at that moment, i read the whole thing the suicide attempts,your connection to the Star Wars prequels before they became the easy go to joke for pasty white nerds,your marriage all in that same measured voice i’d associate with  and then when i got to the end i’ll admit i was taken a bit aback not badly but it just felt like the end of a previous lost life and the start of something anew.

I sent you a message after i read it but me being me when i send stuff to people whose work i like i feel like i have to walk around on eggshells around them,so as not to creep them out.

Will the hurting stop for you? i don’t know but from talking to you it seems that it’s eased up, as for me i’m still going through it and i lack your sense of perspective. There’s alot of people i’m fearful for right now and i was fearful before it felt like the world had changed again in my lifetime,yours is one of the voices i’d like to still be around.

I know i’m not a nice person either as my mother would say i don’t do niceties but you’re definitely somebody who right now makes me want to do better and find more likeminded people.

I hipped my pal Tom onto your stuff you should talk to him just as contrarian as you and as funny, i think you two would get along pretty well.

i hope to still  see you on the arse end of these next 3 years.

 

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